29 Taught Me, 30 Will Teach Me

I've been 30 for a little while now - in fact, the "something" of my "30-something" is one month, two weeks, and two days - and I'm finally getting this thing posted. I've been thinking about the content of this post since about January, when I first started considering my upcoming birthday. While I was reading "30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30," I was trying to decide what I learned in my as a 29 year old and what I hope to learn as a 30 year old. I've received inspiration from all over - from the book, from my New Year's resolutions, from the places I love most, and even from you! Here's what I've learned from as a 29 year old and what I plan to learn as a 30 year old:

29 Taught Me

Keep Ricka Weird - In my 29th year I noticed my favorite nouns (people, places, things) are, as some would say, weird. And they don't hide it, they are proud of it. My favorite people aren't scared to be the unique characters who come from deep within. People who flaunt their quirks and follow the dream within them. Those are the characters I want to surround myself with most.  On the other hand, people who hide their "weird" are not nearly as fun; it feels stifling to be with someone who is so conscious of his/her every move and tries to be "normal" or "perfect." 

Some of my favorite towns boast "Keep [Insert City Here] Weird." The feeling that you are different, and you are living in a place that not only accepts, but embraces your differences is welcoming. What about the things in my life? I cherish the objects I have with unique story. The couch I bought from the store? It's fine. But the one I got for free outside of my apartment? Now that couch is weird; but I love it even more than the one I've had for many years.

Be weird.

You Can Go Home - Who says you can't go home? Bon Jovi, actually. And Thomas Wolfe, I believe. But I believe you can. This past year was the year I came back from my adventures in Austin to Colorado, my home. Things aren't the same as they were 3 years ago. But I'm very thankful for that. I learned  you can go home, as long as you are aware that "home" is not going to look or feel the exact same as it once did. It's like when you are in high schooler and you go back to your elementary school. It's the same building, but you've changed- you've grown taller, you've learned new skills. Since you've changed, the halls seem skinnier and you look at the 4th graders and think to yourself "I wasn't that small when I was in 4th grade." But you were. It's the same with going home. Things may look different, and they most likely are, but recognizing that difference is pretty special. And realizing the important parts of your home are still the same. Denver still gives me the same feeling as it did when I used to stay at my grandparents' house.

Evolve - As you may remember, my New Year's Phrase/Word for 2013 was Evolve. And evolve I did. I looked at many of my habits under a microscope and decided whether or not they were benefiting me, or not. It was a hard year of learning new skills and unlearning old, out of date habits.

30 Will Teach Me 

Support - Well, hello there, New Year's Phrase/Word! Wait, did I even tell you my 2014 New Year's Word? Here it is... Support! I've realized that in the last 29 years, I haven't been very great at knowing who, when, and how to ask for help. I'm very proud of my independent spirit; it's allowed me many amazing experiences. If I had always needed the support of another person, I never would have seen half of the things I saw in Austin. Even though I don't always NEED support, I can ask for it when I WANT it. And I did want support in Austin. There were certain things I just didn't want to do alone - going to Franklin BBQ and Uchi, for example. It's a nice balancing act. Wanting to receive support, but not depending on it entirely. I suppose over the last couple of years, I've wanted to prove I can do anything by myself. I had the attitude of a 2 year old who says "Me do it" when they want to prove they are able. But now, I'm opening up to the idea that just because you CAN do things all on your own, doesn't mean you HAVE to do it alone. That's what friends are for, right? Supporting each other is the only way we can do all of the fabulous things we have planned. (Pretty convenient for me to be focusing on support when I'll be moving this fall and I'll graciously accept all of the support I can find.) My goal as a 30-something is to understand that balance better, and ask for support when and both want and need it.

Not only do I want to be able to ask for/receive support, I want to be able to give support. I'm striving to be a better listener, shoulder to cry on, and all-around supporter of those who support me. (But I want to point out that distinguisher: I want to support people who support me. I'm through going to event after event for people who aren't willing to reciprocate.) On a positive note, I was texting a friend who was having a hard day recently and the simple act of asking if he wanted to talk about it elicited a response of "... reading that made me instantly feel better..." It felt amazing to receive that text! Maybe my 2014 New Year's Word is already coming to fruition!

Thanks, Pinterest for this gem.

How To Live With Less - Well, this one is definitely going to be a hard one. Since you know me, you are aware I'm not a minimalist. I'm also not a maximalist (is that a word?). I'm somewhere in-between. I have everything I need, and many things I want. I have an idea for a New Year's Goal for 2015 that will be quite the undertaking. Before I get there, I'm going to need a paradigm shift to that of a minimalist. I'm going to rely on a lot of you to help me with this shift. So, thanks in advance.

Get Rid Of Riff-Raff - Full disclosure: I got this suggestion from my lovely hairstylist, Jolee. We were chatting while she was making my locks into my dream hair when the topic of turning thirty popped up. "Your thirties are going to be amazing! I love being in my thirties. This is the year you are finally going to get rid of the riff-raff in your life," she said. Okay, maybe that shouldn't be a direct quote, especially considering how long ago that conversation took place (which reminds me, I should probably put "Haircut" on that To-Do List of mine). Anyway, we continued to discuss the fact that thirty was when Jolee felt like she was able to trust her gut enough to know the difference between riff-raff and non-riff-raff. I've been thinking about it since my appointment with her, and I decided that ridding my life of riff raff is my goal for my 30's. I'm getting rid of those nouns (people, places, and things) in my life that are "good-for-nothing, rabble, and scum." Not only that, I'm going to strive to no longer be riff-raff in anyone else's life. If I'm being honest with myself, I allow myself to be "disreputable or undesirable" sometimes, and that needs to end at 29.

I might need this doormat as a reminder.

Alright, friends, what do you think? What am I missing? Is there a lesson you learned as a 29 or 30 year old that I should consider?

I'll Buy That.

Question to you, Reader: Are you renting or buying? A pretty simple question when you think about your living situation.

But what about other aspects of your life?

Okay, let me back up a little bit. My sweet friend, Sam*, brought this up to me in a conversation we had recently. She and I used to work together, but have both since moved to different (crazy, fun) cities. She was talking about her job and mentioned that she was "merely renting" her current job. What an interesting concept, right? Renting versus buying. Applied to life situations, rather than just your living situation. What does it mean to be "renting" versus "buying"? 

To me, renting means you are willing to change some small things - you know, change a light bulb, nail decorations up on the wall, and maybe even paint the walls. But when things get hairy (the sink backs up, the water heater breaks, etc.) you aren't responsible to make things better. You get to call your landlord and he/she gets to foot the bill of new disposal that has to be installed. Renting is short term, potentially even month to month.

Buying then, means you are willing to change not only the small things, but the big things as well. To buy, you must be willing and able to tear down walls, purchase a new water heater, and spend significant amounts of time adding personal touches all over the house. When you buy, you aren't looking for something better; you are looking to improve what you have. Buying means you are in for the long haul. When you buy, often you are committing to 15 to 30 years.

So, it begs the question: Are there areas in your life where you are merely renting?

Here are the areas of life I've come up with so far: Relationships (with parents, other family members, your friends, your partner). Your college major. Job. Career. The city in which you live. (Please let me know if you think of any others to add to the list.)

In so many aspects of my life I am completely buying. Although I've had some friends who have been rentals, I tend to work very hard on my friendships and relationships in general. I would say 85-90% of my close friends will be in my life for the long haul. I feel like I can say this with confidence because I currently do not live within proximity to many of my close friends and I still feel very close to them. 

I believe there have been times in my life where I haven't been ready to date guys who are anything but rentals. Not that I thought of the guys I was dating as such, I just wasn't ready for a long-term relationship. Be that as it may, I don't think I ever intended to treat someone I was dating like a rental. I know girls who have treated guys in that way (dating guy A, until guy B is available) and guys who have treated girls in that way. My opinion: if you are feeling like the person you are dating/your partner is a rental, Get Out! No one should be with someone who isn't worth buying (Okay, that sounds wrong... but I hope you see where I am going with this). Plus, it doesn't feel good to be the one who is looked at as the rental. I've definitely been there, and honestly, I would have rather just ended the lease early and given up my deposit, instead of waiting it out until that guy finally found the relationship worth buying.

Sure, I've had some jobs that were rentals, including every job I had in high school and a few in college. But if I'm being honest with you, I'm renting my current job. Not my career, just my job. I wish this wasn't true. And I've tried for the last several months to push through this, but I just haven't been able to, yet. What makes this job different than my previous job? I'm really not sure. In essence, I have the exact same job. Same type of hospital, same until in said hospital. But, it's the people, the facility, and the ways in which things work (or don't work) that make my job so much different than my last. 

I am currently living in Austin, Texas: a city I'm buying, for sure! I've had such a great experience moving here, making friends, and making a home for myself here. I've renewed my adventurous spirit, explored new places in this awesome city, I've done many of the "must do" Austin adventures, and I’ve broken out of the mold in which I previously had put myself. This town speaks to my very heart and I would buy the crap out of it, if I could.

So, dear reader, what are you renting? And what are you buying? And is there any way (or reason) to change it? Do you have any advice on how to evolve from renting to buying (in relationship to my job)? I'm interested to hear your opinion.

* Sam is brilliant, and she should have her own blog. This is my way of encouraging that.