All That Scintillates: The State of Our (Re)Union(s).

Picture it! Aurora, CO; 2016. February 2^nd to be exact. I'm at work and I hear from across the workstation... "Ricka?!" I look over to see who called my name and find a bygone friend who I’d met in college thirteen years ago, but had fallen out of touch with over time. Astonished, I hop over, give my friend a big hug, and we immediately begin chatting about what has transpired over the last nine years. There has been school, work, boyfriends, breakups, work, school, cross country moves, school, work, school, and too many wild hairstyles to count along the way. (I want it to be perfectly clear that there has been A LOT of work and school.) It is a wonderful reunion that leaves me feeling nostalgic, giddy, and excited about the possibility of having this friend in my life again. And the more I think about our chance encounter, the more I feel like this little reunion of sorts would look totally different had I been on Facebook over the last year.

As you may know I began doing “Facebookless February” (or “Facebook Free February”) in 2010. I wanted to see if I could handle a month without the social networking giant. (And just to be safe, I decided on the shortest month of the year.) It was a successful experiment, and I have been doing Facebookless February ever since. However, last year around this time I decided to challenge myself a little more and stay off of Facebook for a full year. I was already doing a Facebookless month, why couldn’t I stay off for a year? So, I did just that. A year and some change of Facebooklessness. After a year without Facebook, I’ve realized there are some things I missed about being so connected, and some things I haven’t missed.

Being disconnected from social media meant I missed out on some big life events. Some of you found love, got engaged or married, got divorced, got a faux hawk, had a baby, got a new job, started a new diet or workout regime, moved across the country or to another country, bought a house, etc. And I didn’t get to see it! I didn’t get to hear about the sleepless nights, or how wonderful your new partner is. I didn’t get to see how you styled your new faux hawk or how much you love your new job/city/country. And that’s hard. I want to know what things are going in your life, but without Facebook, I didn’t get to share or “like” those moments with you.

But the thing is, I did get celebrate all of those things (more intimately) with my friends! I didn’t need social media to tell me when one of my closest friends got engaged; she texted me! I didn’t need Facebook to tell me when my bestie bought a house; I was there every step of the way! I didn’t need to see every picture of my friend’s cross-country move; she texted me pictures and called me. And I didn’t need to read a post when my friend got a new job; she told me- in person! These connections required more effort on my friends’ parts, but they were willing to make the effort and so was I.

Having been disconnected for 365 days, I realized my close connections only became closer. There were hour-long chats on the phone, text message conversations that still make me laugh out loud when I reread them, email threads with 27 responses all regarding one Girls Night, Pinterest boards made with friends, and text messages with photos telling us saying that the world had welcomed a new baby. Sure, I missed out on some things, but if I lived in the not-so-bygone era before social media, I wouldn’t have been privy to many of those moments anyway.

Years ago, Kimberly and I co-wrote a post called “Reasons We Will Not Attend Our High School Reunion.” And we discussed briefly how Facebook has made the High School Reunion a thing of the past. If I want to know what has been going on with any of my Facebok friends from high school, all I have to do is search their name. But it’s not the same kind of reunion. Social media gives a disjointed reunion that has never given me the feeling of giddy nostalgia I had three days ago.

For me, there is no comparison between the NOTHING I would have felt if I had read on Facebook that my long lost friend was living in Denver, and the ABSOLUTE JOY I felt by finding out in this organic way. And I think there’s a place for both in my world- that’s the reason I’m getting back on line. For me, however, nostalgia requires a personal connection, not an Internet connection.