The State of Our (Re)Union(s).

Picture it! Aurora, CO; 2016. February 2^nd to be exact. I'm at work and I hear from across the workstation... "Ricka?!" I look over to see who called my name and find a bygone friend who I’d met in college thirteen years ago, but had fallen out of touch with over time. Astonished, I hop over, give my friend a big hug, and we immediately begin chatting about what has transpired over the last nine years.  There has been school, work, boyfriends, breakups, work, school, cross country moves, school, work, school, and too many wild hairstyles to count along the way. (I want it to be perfectly clear that there has been A LOT of work and school.) It is a wonderful reunion that leaves me feeling nostalgic, giddy, and excited about the possibility of having this friend in my life again. And the more I think about our chance encounter, the more I feel like this little reunion of sorts would look totally different had I been on Facebook over the last year.

As you may know I began doing “Facebookless February” (or “Facebook Free February”) in 2010. I wanted to see if I could handle a month without the social networking giant. (And just to be safe, I decided on the shortest month of the year.) It was a successful experiment, and I have been doing Facebookless February ever since. However, last year around this time I decided to challenge myself a little more and stay off of Facebook for a full year. I was already doing a Facebookless month, why couldn’t I stay off for a year? So, I did just that. A year and some change of Facebooklessness. After a year without Facebook, I’ve realized there are some things I missed about being so connected, and some things I haven’t missed.

Being disconnected from social media meant I missed out on some big life events. Some of you found love, got engaged or married, got divorced, got a faux hawk, had a baby, got a new job, started a new diet or workout regime, moved across the country or to another country, bought a house, etc. And I didn’t get to see it! I didn’t get to hear about the sleepless nights, or how wonderful your new partner is. I didn’t get to see how you styled your new faux hawk or how much you love your new job/city/country. And that’s hard. I want to know what things are going in your life, but without Facebook, I didn’t get to share or “like” those moments with you.

But the thing is, I did get celebrate all of those things (more intimately) with my friends! I didn’t need social media to tell me when one of my closest friends got engaged; she texted me! I didn’t need Facebook to tell me when my bestie bought a house; I was there every step of the way! I didn’t need to see every picture of my friend’s cross-country move; she texted me pictures and called me. And I didn’t need to read a post when my friend got a new job; she told me- in person! These connections required more effort on my friends’ parts, but they were willing to make the effort and so was I.

Having been disconnected for 365 days, I realized my close connections only became closer. There were hour-long chats on the phone, text message conversations that still make me laugh out loud when I reread them, email threads with 27 responses all regarding one Girls Night, Pinterest boards made with friends, and text messages with photos telling us saying that the world had welcomed a new baby. Sure, I missed out on some things, but if I lived in the not-so-bygone era before social media, I wouldn’t have been privy to many of those moments anyway.

Years ago, Kimberly and I co-wrote a post called “Reasons We Will Not Attend Our High School Reunion.” And we discussed briefly how Facebook has made the High School Reunion a thing of the past. If I want to know what has been going on with any of my Facebok friends from high school, all I have to do is search their name. But it’s not the same kind of reunion. Social media gives a disjointed reunion that has never given me the feeling of giddy nostalgia I had three days ago.

For me, there is no comparison between the NOTHING I would have felt if I had read on Facebook that my long lost friend was living in Denver, and the ABSOLUTE JOY I felt by finding out in this organic way. And I think there’s a place for both in my world- that’s the reason I’m getting back on line. For me, however, nostalgia requires a personal connection, not an Internet connection.

Freshman year of college, my high school friends and I had a little reunion of sorts. 

But that was the last year we had our little high school reunion. 

The next year/our Sophomore year, Facebook began. Coincidence? 

The Great Clothing Freeze of 2015.

How are you going to remember 2015? Will the year be remembered for the many weather records that were broken? Or for the records broken by you? For me, 2015 will go down as the year I went on a Clothing Freeze.

Clothing Freeze of 2015: No new clothes for a year!

What is a Clothing Freeze, exactly? I think it’s different for everyone who does one. I initially got the idea from "And Then We Saved" as they suggest doing a Spending Fast. My Clothing Freeze was a halt on any and all clothing spending. No new scrubs for work. No new workout clothes. Basically, no new clothes. Just like in 2010, the year I didn’t wear jeans, I didn’t tell many people about my goal until I had survived at least six months of it. Just in case I failed. I hate failing, and I really hate other people knowing how hard I failed. But here’s the thing: I did fail. Twice.

I bought a new outfit for an interview I had in March, and I bought a new dress for a wedding in October. And while I’m not so proud of those moments, I’m proud I didn’t buy anything on the other 363 days of 2015. I hold myself to such a ridiculous standard that I literally just used the word “fail” to describe my 363/365. (Which by the way is a 99.45% - an “A” by any standard.) At one point, I considered extending the Clothing Fast to make up for those two days. But, I realized that the 363 days when I didn’t buy any clothing meant more than the two days when I did. Maybe I didn’t do a perfect Clothing Freeze, but I did do a hell of a good job trying. And trying wasn’t an easy process.

Think hard about what a Clothing Freeze would mean in your world. What would you struggle with the very most? When you go on vacation, do you like to commemorate that vacation with a “Steamboat Springs” sweatshirt? Do you like buying new hats, scarves, and mittens in winter/flip-flops in spring/swimsuits in summer/jeans in fall? Do you like to buy a new outfit for special occasions? Because, I do. I like having new clothes; it’s true! So the Clothing Freeze was a hard task for me.

And maybe I didn’t do it perfectly. But I did it! And my family, friends, and coworkers knew about it (before July). And I’m proud of my attempt at a full year of no shopping.  So, 2015 is going to be the year I not only did a great job with a Clothing Freeze, but also the year I quit punishing myself for slip ups. 

29 Taught Me, 30 Will Teach Me

I've been 30 for a little while now - in fact, the "something" of my "30-something" is one month, two weeks, and two days - and I'm finally getting this thing posted. I've been thinking about the content of this post since about January, when I first started considering my upcoming birthday. While I was reading "30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30," I was trying to decide what I learned in my as a 29 year old and what I hope to learn as a 30 year old. I've received inspiration from all over - from the book, from my New Year's resolutions, from the places I love most, and even from you! Here's what I've learned from as a 29 year old and what I plan to learn as a 30 year old:

29 Taught Me

Keep Ricka Weird - In my 29th year I noticed my favorite nouns (people, places, things) are, as some would say, weird. And they don't hide it, they are proud of it. My favorite people aren't scared to be the unique characters who come from deep within. People who flaunt their quirks and follow the dream within them. Those are the characters I want to surround myself with most.  On the other hand, people who hide their "weird" are not nearly as fun; it feels stifling to be with someone who is so conscious of his/her every move and tries to be "normal" or "perfect." 

Some of my favorite towns boast "Keep [Insert City Here] Weird." The feeling that you are different, and you are living in a place that not only accepts, but embraces your differences is welcoming. What about the things in my life? I cherish the objects I have with unique story. The couch I bought from the store? It's fine. But the one I got for free outside of my apartment? Now that couch is weird; but I love it even more than the one I've had for many years.

Be weird.

You Can Go Home - Who says you can't go home? Bon Jovi, actually. And Thomas Wolfe, I believe. But I believe you can. This past year was the year I came back from my adventures in Austin to Colorado, my home. Things aren't the same as they were 3 years ago. But I'm very thankful for that. I learned  you can go home, as long as you are aware that "home" is not going to look or feel the exact same as it once did. It's like when you are in high schooler and you go back to your elementary school. It's the same building, but you've changed- you've grown taller, you've learned new skills. Since you've changed, the halls seem skinnier and you look at the 4th graders and think to yourself "I wasn't that small when I was in 4th grade." But you were. It's the same with going home. Things may look different, and they most likely are, but recognizing that difference is pretty special. And realizing the important parts of your home are still the same. Denver still gives me the same feeling as it did when I used to stay at my grandparents' house.

Evolve - As you may remember, my New Year's Phrase/Word for 2013 was Evolve. And evolve I did. I looked at many of my habits under a microscope and decided whether or not they were benefiting me, or not. It was a hard year of learning new skills and unlearning old, out of date habits.

30 Will Teach Me 

Support - Well, hello there, New Year's Phrase/Word! Wait, did I even tell you my 2014 New Year's Word? Here it is... Support! I've realized that in the last 29 years, I haven't been very great at knowing who, when, and how to ask for help. I'm very proud of my independent spirit; it's allowed me many amazing experiences. If I had always needed the support of another person, I never would have seen half of the things I saw in Austin. Even though I don't always NEED support, I can ask for it when I WANT it. And I did want support in Austin. There were certain things I just didn't want to do alone - going to Franklin BBQ and Uchi, for example. It's a nice balancing act. Wanting to receive support, but not depending on it entirely. I suppose over the last couple of years, I've wanted to prove I can do anything by myself. I had the attitude of a 2 year old who says "Me do it" when they want to prove they are able. But now, I'm opening up to the idea that just because you CAN do things all on your own, doesn't mean you HAVE to do it alone. That's what friends are for, right? Supporting each other is the only way we can do all of the fabulous things we have planned. (Pretty convenient for me to be focusing on support when I'll be moving this fall and I'll graciously accept all of the support I can find.) My goal as a 30-something is to understand that balance better, and ask for support when and both want and need it.

Not only do I want to be able to ask for/receive support, I want to be able to give support. I'm striving to be a better listener, shoulder to cry on, and all-around supporter of those who support me. (But I want to point out that distinguisher: I want to support people who support me. I'm through going to event after event for people who aren't willing to reciprocate.) On a positive note, I was texting a friend who was having a hard day recently and the simple act of asking if he wanted to talk about it elicited a response of "... reading that made me instantly feel better..." It felt amazing to receive that text! Maybe my 2014 New Year's Word is already coming to fruition!

Thanks, Pinterest for this gem.

How To Live With Less - Well, this one is definitely going to be a hard one. Since you know me, you are aware I'm not a minimalist. I'm also not a maximalist (is that a word?). I'm somewhere in-between. I have everything I need, and many things I want. I have an idea for a New Year's Goal for 2015 that will be quite the undertaking. Before I get there, I'm going to need a paradigm shift to that of a minimalist. I'm going to rely on a lot of you to help me with this shift. So, thanks in advance.

Get Rid Of Riff-Raff - Full disclosure: I got this suggestion from my lovely hairstylist, Jolee. We were chatting while she was making my locks into my dream hair when the topic of turning thirty popped up. "Your thirties are going to be amazing! I love being in my thirties. This is the year you are finally going to get rid of the riff-raff in your life," she said. Okay, maybe that shouldn't be a direct quote, especially considering how long ago that conversation took place (which reminds me, I should probably put "Haircut" on that To-Do List of mine). Anyway, we continued to discuss the fact that thirty was when Jolee felt like she was able to trust her gut enough to know the difference between riff-raff and non-riff-raff. I've been thinking about it since my appointment with her, and I decided that ridding my life of riff raff is my goal for my 30's. I'm getting rid of those nouns (people, places, and things) in my life that are "good-for-nothing, rabble, and scum." Not only that, I'm going to strive to no longer be riff-raff in anyone else's life. If I'm being honest with myself, I allow myself to be "disreputable or undesirable" sometimes, and that needs to end at 29.

I might need this doormat as a reminder.

Alright, friends, what do you think? What am I missing? Is there a lesson you learned as a 29 or 30 year old that I should consider?

Plan B.

(Warning: This post has very little to do with birth control.)

Last night I was listening to an old podcast of “This American Life” and it gave me a lot to think about.

The episode has the same name as the title of this blog post: Plan B. It starts off with Ira Glass stating that during a talk he was giving, he polled the audience to see how many of them feel like they are still living their Plan A. He says, out of 100 people, only one person (who happened to be the youngest person in the room) was living their Plan A.

Before I ramble on, I want to ask you the same question: Do you feel as if you are living your ideal life/Plan A? Or are you living your backup plan/Plan B?

In truth, it took me a while to realize that my life has Plan Bs in it. When I first started listening to the podcast, I could not think of any backup plans I’ve made. I thought, if only I had been in that audience with Ira Glass, there would have been two people who are living their Plan A. In truth, many of the “big changes” in my life, have been my Plan A. I attended my Plan A university, started my first nursing job at my ideal hospital, and was fortunate to live in two of my favorite cities.

After much thought though, the Plan Bs of my life became more apparent. When I started college, my initial plan was to become an architect and design intricate structures. But, I soon realized Plan A was not going to work because 1) I was not passionate about architecture and 2) I wasn’t good at it. So, I changed my major and went with my next plan. After college, I couldn’t find a good enough job in the city where I wanted to live, so I made the decision to move back home. And while it only lasted for eight months, it definitely was not my Plan A. And my Plan A nursing job? I waited months for it. Months without a significant paycheck coming my way. (Read: I was broke.) As an emergency department nurse, I am confronted by Plan B everyday; I doubt most people who come into the emergency department were planning to spend their day there. So, when I think about it, there are more Plan Bs in my day-to-day life than I was initially willing to admit.

I’m not sure if I’ve stressed this enough in this blog, but I have amazing friends. Friends who share their lives with me. In talking to a couple of my long distance friends recently, I know some of them are not living their Plan A lives at this very moment. For one friend, Plan A and Plan B both had benefits and so she decided which was better for her. And, there are times when she looks back and wonders what life would be like if she had decided differently. Another friend was handed some major life lemons recently. And while Plan A is out of the picture for now, it’s too soon to begin thinking about Plan B (and too soon to start making lemonade out of those lemons).

Truthfully though, instead of dwelling on the less than ideal aspects of life, my friends and I look at the grand aspects of life. It’s not an easy practice. But once you have come to terms with the fact that Plan A just isn’t going to work out, it’s time to look forward to the next plan. Even if we have to call it Plan B. Perhaps the most important realization is that it’s less important to focus on the backup plans you’ve had to make in your life, and start focusing on the things that are going the Plan A way.

I’ll leave you with this quote that I heard for the first time in college and I think it applies to this particular post.

“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”

I'll Buy That.

Question to you, Reader: Are you renting or buying? A pretty simple question when you think about your living situation.

But what about other aspects of your life?

Okay, let me back up a little bit. My sweet friend, Sam*, brought this up to me in a conversation we had recently. She and I used to work together, but have both since moved to different (crazy, fun) cities. She was talking about her job and mentioned that she was "merely renting" her current job. What an interesting concept, right? Renting versus buying. Applied to life situations, rather than just your living situation. What does it mean to be "renting" versus "buying"? 

To me, renting means you are willing to change some small things - you know, change a light bulb, nail decorations up on the wall, and maybe even paint the walls. But when things get hairy (the sink backs up, the water heater breaks, etc.) you aren't responsible to make things better. You get to call your landlord and he/she gets to foot the bill of new disposal that has to be installed. Renting is short term, potentially even month to month.

Buying then, means you are willing to change not only the small things, but the big things as well. To buy, you must be willing and able to tear down walls, purchase a new water heater, and spend significant amounts of time adding personal touches all over the house. When you buy, you aren't looking for something better; you are looking to improve what you have. Buying means you are in for the long haul. When you buy, often you are committing to 15 to 30 years.

So, it begs the question: Are there areas in your life where you are merely renting?

Here are the areas of life I've come up with so far: Relationships (with parents, other family members, your friends, your partner). Your college major. Job. Career. The city in which you live. (Please let me know if you think of any others to add to the list.)

In so many aspects of my life I am completely buying. Although I've had some friends who have been rentals, I tend to work very hard on my friendships and relationships in general. I would say 85-90% of my close friends will be in my life for the long haul. I feel like I can say this with confidence because I currently do not live within proximity to many of my close friends and I still feel very close to them. 

I believe there have been times in my life where I haven't been ready to date guys who are anything but rentals. Not that I thought of the guys I was dating as such, I just wasn't ready for a long-term relationship. Be that as it may, I don't think I ever intended to treat someone I was dating like a rental. I know girls who have treated guys in that way (dating guy A, until guy B is available) and guys who have treated girls in that way. My opinion: if you are feeling like the person you are dating/your partner is a rental, Get Out! No one should be with someone who isn't worth buying (Okay, that sounds wrong... but I hope you see where I am going with this). Plus, it doesn't feel good to be the one who is looked at as the rental. I've definitely been there, and honestly, I would have rather just ended the lease early and given up my deposit, instead of waiting it out until that guy finally found the relationship worth buying.

Sure, I've had some jobs that were rentals, including every job I had in high school and a few in college. But if I'm being honest with you, I'm renting my current job. Not my career, just my job. I wish this wasn't true. And I've tried for the last several months to push through this, but I just haven't been able to, yet. What makes this job different than my previous job? I'm really not sure. In essence, I have the exact same job. Same type of hospital, same until in said hospital. But, it's the people, the facility, and the ways in which things work (or don't work) that make my job so much different than my last. 

I am currently living in Austin, Texas: a city I'm buying, for sure! I've had such a great experience moving here, making friends, and making a home for myself here. I've renewed my adventurous spirit, explored new places in this awesome city, I've done many of the "must do" Austin adventures, and I’ve broken out of the mold in which I previously had put myself. This town speaks to my very heart and I would buy the crap out of it, if I could.

So, dear reader, what are you renting? And what are you buying? And is there any way (or reason) to change it? Do you have any advice on how to evolve from renting to buying (in relationship to my job)? I'm interested to hear your opinion.

* Sam is brilliant, and she should have her own blog. This is my way of encouraging that.